Let’s start with considering why certain activities are deemed to need a licence. How is it that the authorities in this world feel it necessary for you to qualify for a licence before you drive a car (yes, I get that one), but you also need a licence to own a TV – surely that is just an excuse to reap money from you, why does someone have to give you permission to own a television? As for dog licences – well that is a minefield of contradictions with an alarming number of countries having different ideas of what is important concerning dog ownership. And let’s not get started on the controversy and validity of marriage licences around the world. All areas with their own issues but my question is, if time and thought has gone into awarding these licences, why hasn’t any authority ever considered the long-term benefits for all concerned if people had to have a licence before embarking on procreation. Should governments not make it mandatory for their tax paying/benefit claiming public to earn a procreation licence by first considering and proving if they are ready or even suitable to be a parent?
I am a perfect case study. With embarrassment, I admit I have spent more time considering menu options at the local Indian restaurant and shoes on the sale rack than the time I gave to deciding to embark on procreation. I barely considered some of the big questions on what being a parent really means and how it will affect you for the rest of your life – yes, not just the next 20 years or so whilst you are actively parenting but the long-term effects if will have on your body, mind and status. I consider myself to be practical, logical and reasonably intelligent so I can only think there was a hormonal bug messing with my rational thinking. I also consider myself a reasonably popular person with a wide and somewhat eclectic circle of friends – so why didn’t any of them think it appropriate to ask me if I had really thought this through? Ask any of them now about the fact that I have two kids and without exception, they are all amazed – I was always very open about my lack of interest in continuing my bloodline. These are intelligent people, some very opinionated who would always offer forth, invited or otherwise, their opinions on things that concerned them or not. So why didn’t anyone step up, look me in the eye and ask “are you sure”, “could this be a decision based on hormones and not your normal preferences”?
Once I was pregnant I researched the hell out of the whole baby growing process. Oh yes. I read every book on the subject of pregnancy, childbirth and those early weeks and months. I read the factual ones. I read the humorous ones, the “way out there, away with the fairies” ones. I was fully informed on how to “Whisper to my Baby”, how to impose military discipline on this entity that wouldn’t even be ready to walk but would apparently adhere to my pre-designed routine. I even read ahead on how to tame the toddler in the “Terrible Twos”, set in place disciplines in preparation for the “Tiresome Threes”… Interesting no-one has used alliteration for the “Fours”… but I digress.
So, I researched just about every aspect of this pregnancy and early parenting exercise – I read the books, I signed up to receive the newsletters, I became an active member on the websites and forums. During all this thorough investigative research I find it quite mind-blowing that at no point did I stumble across the plethora of information to consider before actually embarking on becoming a parent – the real, honest “are you really sure you want to do this” information. Where was the Cosmo style quiz that asked if you are really ready to give up (yes, give up as in it will NEVER be the same again) your body image, mental health, self-confidence. Are you really equipped mentally to struggle with the ongoing feelings of guilt versus self-justification? It seems media attention only ever skims the surface of what this decision will result in – the sleepless nights, the strain on your finances. Why do they not take the subject to its entirety – everything in your mind and body will be permanently changed by this decision.
Maybe there is an untapped market out there, online courses to be completed over the course of a minimum of nine months to challenge your thinking and bring you to your honest decision. For example:
Module 1 – The Pregnancy Months
Topics to include:
How to continue to function in your current employment whilst feeling like death and yet not letting on to anyone that you are “up the duff” until the pre-requisite completion the first trimester
Enforced designated driver status for nine months including how to manage witnessing embarrassing behaviour by friends and family
Learning to remain polite and conversational with complete strangers who believe it is acceptable to question your choice of footwear or diet whilst physically touching your stomach
Module 2 – Losing your dignity
Topics to include:
Screaming babies will make you reveal far more unattractive flesh in public places than you would have ever considered on a Mediterranean beach holiday
Assessing the level of baby vomit on your clothing that actually requires changing your outfit
Module 3 – Acceptance
Topics to include:
You will not be able to use a bathroom without being accompanied or questioned for at least the next six years of your life
You will be unable to hold a conversation with childless adults without feeling you have nothing interesting to contribute to discussions
The disappearance of your self-confidence
Your relationship will suffer – moving on
Module 4 – The path to becoming an individual again
Topics to include:
Justifying the time you need to spend to simply discover what you want to do with your life
You are more than a parent, you too have a personality
Obviously I have barely touched the surface here. I know I am not alone in this thinking so why is it I appear to be on a solo mission to inform the world that maybe not everybody should be a parent. It should be socially acceptable that you can make the choice of sticking with the life you currently enjoy and accept that procreation may not bring the joy the marketing folk foretell with their images of happy, barefoot families in jeans and white t-shirts rolling around together.
My self-assigned mission is to get more honesty out into the public arena. If you are a parent, it should be your duty to tell someone the truth before they make a hormone-skewed life changing decision. The truth is that not everyone will enjoy being a parent and there are people out there that wish someone had slapped them across the face with a bucketful of truths. It’s not a bad career choice, it’s your life. If the Dogs Trust campaign “a dog is for life, not just for Christmas” worked then surely the sanity and identify of thousands of fertile people could be saved.
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