Myth 10: All fertility patients are created equal. False. Patients come in all shapes and sizes, including gender, sexual orientation, third-party needs, and marital status. However, in each and every case the one thing that everyone has in common is the basic human desire to have a child and become a parent. Otherwise, everyone’s story and path is likely to be very different in path, perspective, and outcomes. What is most important for everyone, however, is education and following the path that suits each party personally.
Myth 9: All fertility doctors are created equal. False. Make certain to research the doctor and the clinic, just as one would research a day care provider. Use the Society for Assisted Reproduction Technology (SART) statistics and ask questions, meet them for interviews, talk with the staff, and connect with other patients online in forums. Ask about their protocols and procedures, ask about their numbers, ask about references, and keep asking until satisfied. And remember, once a physician has been selected, continue to ask questions regarding protocol, testing, embryo grading, and so on. Keeping informed each step of the way is very important because patients need to be their own advocate.
Myth 8: All attorneys are created equal. False. So who thinks that their estate planning attorney or their neighbor who is a paralegal can help draft an agreement with a donor or surrogate? More people than you think. Don’t do it, or there may be regrets in the long run. Ask the lawyer questions, just as with the doctor, including questions about the number of such cases they handle per year, their years of experience, the conferences they attend, and whether they practice exclusively in this area or just dabble in it. As with any specialty, make certain that they know their job.
Myth 7: All agencies are created equal. Don’t ever assume that. With doctors and lawyers, there is at least the assurance that they are licensed professionals. But with agencies in this industry, not only is there no oversight; there are also no regulations-period. The most important piece of advice on agencies is to investigate them and ask questions. Don’t just use the information provided by the agency; ask others, especially IVF doctors, lawyers, and psychologists.
Myth 6: All escrow companies/trust holders are created equal. Sure they are. Who cares if the funds intended for the most important thing in your life-a baby-are being held by someone who is not licensed, insured, or bonded? Maybe there is no need to worry because the company has a nice name, and its representatives were nice on the phone-they cannot run off with the money with little or no recourse, outside of years of litigation, can they? Yes, they can. So make certain that all money is being held by a licensed and bonded escrow company or by a licensed attorney.
Myth 5: All insurance companies are created equal. Both personal health insurance coverage and the health insurance of the surrogate are a big consideration in this entire process. Will the insurance cover any of the treatment options? Will the surrogate’s insurance cover the pregnancy? If not, can she obtain this type of insurance? Make certain to obtain the Evidence of Coverage on all participants’ policies and review these policies along with an attorney to make certain that no one is exposed in the event of a medical issue or catastrophe.
Myth 4: All surrogates and donors are created equal. No, they are not. Their insurance coverage varies, their family support varies, their medical and psychological histories vary, their religious beliefs vary, and their morals vary. What is important is that each of these aspects are screened by each member of your team, as discussed in an upcoming chapter, before selecting the woman who will be part of your journey in creating a family.
Myth 3: All intended parents are created equal. As with surrogates and donors, they are not equal in any way. Just as stated previously, their family support varies, their medical and psychological histories vary, their religious beliefs vary, and their morals vary. Again, it is important that each of these aspects be screened by each member of the team before selecting the intended parents to work with as a surrogate or donor.
Myth 2: No one needs an attorney for contracts with third parties-the informed consents from the doctor’s office are enough to protect me. Famous last words, but then who goes to their doctor for legal advice? Do people go to an attorney for surgery? Let’s hope the answer is no to both of these questions. The best advice is not to allow the informed consents from your clinic, whose purpose is to protect the clinic, be used to protect one’s legal rights, including parental rights. Enough said.
Myth 1: Inability to afford fertility treatment equals never having a child. Fertility treatment on a budget is possible. In fact, there are plenty of resources available to help you cut expenses without cutting corners. Use the resource list at the end of the book to help budget for medical treatment and to find cost estimates available from doctors, attorneys, and agencies, in order to make the journey affordable without making any financial, legal, or medical missteps. Bottom line: educate, protect, and preserve
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